Coming Home!

Very soon, I will be going home ... for a visit. It has been about three decades since I last set foot on Syrian soil. I am exhilarated and I am anxious; I cannot wait to go and yet there are lingering fears holding me back. What if all my longing and all the pent up emotions acquired during years of separation turn out to be illusory and false emotions? What if I set foot in the city of my birth and felt nothing?

Certainly the Lattakia of my childhood has long since vanished and most of my extended family, that boisterous tribe consisting of my father's aunts, uncles and cousins, is scattered in the four corners of the world. Yet close family members remain. My aunt, my father's only sibling, and my two cousins remain in Lattakia. And if the physical features of Lattakia have changed radically, my grandfather's house where I was born and the house where I grew up as a child remain as touchstones of my past. In the end though, my connection with this land is more a state of mind. This is the land of my birth; it is the land of my ancestors. In no other place on this planet can I make that same claim. In no other place can I claim such deep roots and in doing so, carry within me the historical memory, good and bad, of my place of origin. These facts help orient and anchor me, they provide with a context and a perspective on life and of my place in this world. Calling any other place home somehow rings hollow; I feel like an impostor.

But could it be that, after all these years away, I will feel like an impostor in the land of my birth? I don't think so. I am too old to be a sentimental fool or to be beholden to unrealistic nostalgic dreams. I am ready to take in Syria as it is, not as I think it should be. This trip will be as much an exploration as a return to my roots. I will be introducing Syria to my children and reintroducing it to myself. There is much to see and much to do.

(Photo: From Lattakia online; my grandmother's old house in the foreground; now replaced by a concrete monstrosity)